You Might Be a Hack If...
By the founders of JUGGO Golf

Almost all golfers really love the game.

Unfortunately, this fact does not make all golfers lovable.

Some, in fact, could have tried the patience of Job.

Anyone who’s played golf long enough has experienced at least a few of these typically clueless souls. My own pet peeves include those who plumb-bob their third (or fourth!) putt, and the ones who insist on providing a immediate shot-by-shot analysis of their game, as they play it.

The ones that drive me craziest are extremely slow players, whom I refer to as "living statues."

Sometimes I add a word or two in front of that phrase, for emphasis.

To make matters worse, the usual hints don’t work, because these folks are beyond redemption.

A group of Illinois golfers decided to do something about these blots on the golfing universe. They took a routine golf epithet, "hacker", shortened it, and then devoted several 19^th hole sessions to identifying dozens of different ways in which someone could be justifiably called a "hack".

They also recognized that there are certain warning signs that one might be approaching Hack status, while in other circumstances there is little doubt about one’s Hackness. To aid in comprehension, their little book is broken down into these two broad categories, one following the other in roughly parallel form.

For example:

You might be a HACK if…

You pump your fist after making a putt.

You are a HACK if…

The putt you made was from three feet for triple bogey.

The men who put this book together have done a tremendous public service for the rest of us, while providing several laugh-out-loud moments during the short time it takes to read it.

We may not be able to do much about the Hacks we encounter, but at least we’ve been given ample and amusing warning about our own potential Hack status.

Just in case someone somehow fails to recognize themselves in these frequently witty examples of bad golf etiquette and worse, the writers may come out with another volume. They invite contributions, in fact.

This book won’t help the truly oblivious Hacks among us, but at least the rest of us who've read it can smile as our patience is sorely tested.

Review date: February 25, 2004

You Might Be a Hack If...

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You Might Be a Hack If...
By the founders of JUGGO Golf